PATRICIA O'NEILL

Viva Las Vegas!!!

If you’ve never been to Disneyland and feel a tinge of childhood deprivation, dry your tears. A trip to Vegas will put everything right. My belief in the kindness of strangers was completely validated and my happy tank fully charged! Along with Hawaii and Disneyland, it has to be one of the most entertaining places on earth. I was there for a week, but left wanting more…

Sure, the Vegas stereotypes were all on view — sleazy fellows with hairy chests donning ’70s attire, showgirls, strippers, bright neon lights, quickie-wedding chapels, feathers, pictures of naked women floating in the air like confetti, brides-to-be wearing wedding veils and making noise, casinos, and bars opened 24/7. I expected all that. After all, ‘Sin City’ didn’t get its title for nothing!

The billboards warned “Before going to Las Vegas you need your physician’s approval, before leaving, you need your Psychiatrist’s.” Who would have thought that on a Vegas bus, I would have had a deeply spiritual conversation with a complete stranger. As they say — anything goes. Vegas variety is the spice of life! Talking about transport, a three day bus pass costs $20, and is the cheapest and most interesting way to get around the city. They also had the monorail which seemed too complicated in the heat. It’s hard to get out of a taxi for less than $15 — $20-$30 is their preferred amount.

Everything in LV seems to be super sized! The hot dogs are twice the size, the chickens, boobs, fries, diet yogurt — even the blessed eucharist! We went to mass on the Sunday and what an eye-opener. Before the ceremony began, the priest asked us to turn to our neighbour and introduce ourselves — “Say hello folks and tell them where you’re from!” Music helped ease the initial awkwardness.

We were royally entertained by a seven piece orchestra, complete with violins, drums, trumpet, piano, and a tenor, who was a mix between Elvis and Daniel O’Donnell. His heavenly voice would bring tears to a stone. When it came time to receive the host, it was so huge I gagged on it. Twice the size. My neighbour couldn’t take his hand off his wife’s thigh, and with the other hand was massaging her back. I found it distracting. It must have been the singing. He slithered off before the second collection.

 

Everybody likes to party in Vegas. People are happy just being, and want to share their happiness. As a tourist, we’re all included in the big Vegas party. If you want to experience some hands-on fun, take a bus to Fremont, the original “Vegas” where it all began some sixty years ago. You’ll see all the original storefronts and neon signs. In addition, you can join the revellers for some groovy dancing. Scantily clad showgirls dance on the tables, but ordinary tourists do it on the streets. It was charming to watch all the generations dancing, from tiny tikes to grannies, and every age in-between. We took our cue from a cowgirl who doubled as a DJ. Her favourite song was “Save a horse, ride a cowboy.” I couldn’t stop singing it.

Our Vegas vacation got off to a great start when our hotel, the Hilton Holiday Suites (Las Vegas Blvd.) superceded our expectations. It was voted the most luxurious place we had ever stayed. May is a great time to travel, as it is considered low season, and you can snap up fantastic deals. For less than $4,000 our 5 flights were covered, plus the accommodation and free breakfast each morning. The breakfast was available any time you wanted, and there was a choice. We opted for the toasted bagels filled with cheese, ham, bacon, and eggs to your taste. Vegetarians were also catered for. You had bottles of juice as well as tea or coffee. It kept you going! They had a Starbucks from where you received your specialty coffees and teas. Fantastic deal all around.

Our accommodation comprised two large bedrooms and bathrooms, plus a queen pull-out couch in the living room. Three large flat screened tv’s (more than we have at home!!). The master bedroom had a Cleopatra-style sunken jacuzzi tub, walking distance from the cavernous bed. Bathrooms were dripping in marble. The master shower had all those faucets that come at you from everywhere, giving a real luxurious feel. Kitchen had marble countertops, huge fridge, microwave, gorgeous shiny plates and glasses, and big generous dining table. It’s too bad we couldn’t find decent food to put in the fridge. Finding shops that sell healthy food is a challenge. If we never ventured outside our hotel, we could still have had a great holiday.

The swimming pools were divine, (S-shaped pools), surrounded by large, shady palm trees. We’d hit the pool in the morning, breakfast in hand, before the dry desert air got too warm. Temperatures some days were 29 degrees, though in July and August, it can soar up to the 40s and higher!! I am comfortable in the low to mid 20s, so would prefer May or September/October for visiting this desert paradise.

The hotels were a destination in themselves. Fabulous, glamorous, larger-than-life opulence. Unfortunately, you cannot avoid the thousands of casinos housed within them. They pay the Vegas taxes, so are a big part of the hotel scene. The marble floored boutiques sold many of the luxury brands, such as Prada, Dior, Stella McCartney, Dolce & Gabbana, and Louis Vuitton, to name but a rich few. If you can believe our taxi driver, Las Vegas has 19 of the largest hotels in the world!! I believe him.

Our top five favourites were Caesar’s Palace (free Atlantis shows there on the the hour), Bellaggio (fab flowers and butterfly garden), Wynns (Steve Wynn is Donald Trump’s biggest competitor in the luxury hotel department), the Cosmopolitan (for its sleek modern architecture), and last, but certainly not least, the Venetian. You need never visit the real Venice. The Vegas version, along with the gondola rides was equally impressive — well, maybe a tad tacky. Tacky is party of the Vegas charm. They do it in a charming, lovable way. The Eiffel Tower is also pretty impressive, and a lot easier to climb than the original version in Paris.

If you went to Vegas hoping to see some culture, the charm of the place will offset your disappointment, as well as a few good shows. We sent to see “Vegas the Show” and Beatles LOVE by Cirque du Soleil, both of which were excellent. A trip to the desert was another culturally rich experience. We spent a day in Death Valley — about two hours’ drive from the city. Long ago when the gold prospectors went in search of gold, one in five never returned due to the heat — that’s how they came up with the name. Temperatures recorded in the summer are the hottest in the world, rising up to 51 degrees. Dubai would be similar.

Due to the winding roads, large buses cannot drive there, so you can only get a smaller bus which fits 12 people max. This makes for an expensive day trip at approx. $200 per person, which includes breakfast and lunch. In retrospect, it was worth the visit, and very interesting landscape to see. At times it felt like you were in a spaceship on Mars, or extras on a Western movie. Especially when our driver played the theme song from “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.” Such a contrast to lively, buzzing Las Vegas next door!

En route, we passed some interesting ghost towns. Our last stop on the way home (to put gas in the bus and use the facilities at the “Tumbleweed” pub) was in a one-horse town called Pahrump. The driver warned us that “the toilets are scary.” When you walked in everybody at the bar turned and stared. The two Australian guys on our tour ventured in first (“there’s four men in there and three teeth!”). I’ll not easily forget Tumbleweed and Pahrump!

And for that matter, I’ll not easily forget Las Vegas. I’m in love and I’m all shook up!

Love and kisses,

Patricia xxx